Thursday, 10 October 2019

How to Stick the Fuck Up For Yourself: For Dummies...


I know I haven't been on top form recently in regards to spreading the word about mental health. For that, I want to apologise. But, I also want to stand up for myself. Before, all of my social media accounts were set to public - so I could promote my blog and offer support to even strangers.

In more recent years I struggled with this. I craved the idea of a private life. I was heading into a relationship and that is something I wished to keep private - and I'm not being funny but in the way I was so public, I couldn't even imagine a man wanting to be with me in fear of exposing them to the world of no secrets. I couldn't blame them really, it is certainly off putting.

But not only that, I had to do it for myself and my own mental well being. I've made a name for sharing my personal stories and struggles in order to help others - I still want to do so, only now I want to keep some of it to myself. I find myself wanting to use social media less, not only that, but my phone entirely.

I'm not sure I can even offer advice in this 'stick up for yourself' era because everyone that knows me well enough knows that I am... in the most polite term... a pussy.

I made my way through school with my stronger, more confident friends (like Amelia, for example) fighting any type of battle for me - she even broke up with my boyfriend and argued for me at one point. Looking back I can't quite believe I could expect that of someone, especially when I couldn't bare to do it for myself.

This year had a lot of twists and turns which caused me to finally stand my ground and be the 'bad bitch' I was telling myself I could be. I moved away from my hometown and moved in to a house share with friends. These people are no longer my friends. Well, one of them still is, ironically it's not someone who I spent the last 7 years growing a strong friendship with. It truly is funny how life works, isn't it?

As much as it is sad I have to remember that when you fall out of friendships, it doesn't matter how long you were friends for - some people were never really your friends in the first place. And that is okay.

I had to stand up for myself in a time I felt most alone, miserable and depressed. I hated my toxic living situation and even though it was quite clear that I was suffering, me moving out suddenly made me the worst person on earth.

Doing something to help my mental health and putting myself first made me a bad friend. In previous years I would've cried with guilt and anxiety, wondering why I wasn't good enough and I would kiss everyone's feet in order to keep them happy rather than me. Fuck that now.

I am not a bad person or a bad friend. People who treat me with respect will receive respect back and I will continue to put me first, no matter how selfish it may seem, as long as it's rightfully done with my mental health in mind that is all that matters to me.

Please don't be afraid to stand your ground. Life is far too short to tip toe around others or fear doing any wrong! Think of it this way - no matter what you do or how many arses you kiss, someone in the world will think you are in the wrong regardless.

Sticking up for yourself can be tough at first, but making small changes will lead to a much bigger picture - a life where you are stronger than your negative thoughts, and you stand in your power no matter how relentless other people can be. You influence yourself only.

Small ways you can stick up for yourself today:


- Be assertive. True assertiveness is asking for what you want, all while remaining respectful to others. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to be a dick.

- Never beat around the bush, but be clear and polite. Make it known to people whether something is okay or not.

- Prioritise yourself, you come first! Be selfish because your needs always come first in your life.

- SAY NO. My biggest issue in life has been my struggle to say no. Even when I'd rather keel over than say yes, I'll say yes with a smile on my face. ''No'' is okay when it comes to your needs and mental health.

- Standing up for yourself doesn't have to be fighting with people all of the time - pick your battles wisely because some people are not worth the energy drain.

- Set some mother effing boundaries. Set the tone for how you want people to treat you - this means being kind, respectful and well-mannered... until someone does you wrong of course.

PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT. 


I am loving putting me first and being the brave, confident and lively person I've always wanted to be. I have plenty of kind and selfless friends to thank for that. Real friends who will only ever wish for my happiness - no matter what decisions I decide to make. Making such a big decision really showed me who was there for me and who would never be.

As always, here for anyone who needs it. Always.


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