Thursday, 21 February 2019

Why its OK to Remove Toxic People from your Life

We all have them, whether we realise it or not.

They make us feel guilty for not making continuous effort all year round, despite the fact they haven't picked up the phone themselves. They will make passing comments on how you aren't meeting their needs, yet only require your attention when they're needing to rant about trivial matters. Their own problems will pass their lips before they even say ''Hello, how have YOU been?''

Whether you have been friends for a matter of months, or even 10 years, once someone begins to bring you down a negative spiral, it is time to cut strings - guilt free and with ease.

I know its difficult - I used to be such a people pleaser. I would constantly worry about what people thought of me and I was petrified to ever speak up about what I thought was right. Not anymore, though. Perhaps that is why I am now getting rid of toxic people without even having to do anything. In recent months, I have had friends I've known for years remove me from social media with zero explanation. I've split with boyfriends who I never felt good enough for. They have all become cold and distant without reasoning, but unlike the old Shannon, I am left unaffected by the matter.

The truth is, when shit hits the fan and people decide its their decision to leave a friendship behind, you can only go forward with your head held high. Trust me, they are doing you a favour in the long run. Do you really need someones negative mindset constantly bringing your own spirit down? Never. If you are happy with yourself and your life, you should NEVER allow someone else's attitude to affect you. It is draining and you deserve better.

I realise that, sometimes, my crude humour can come across as 'vain' or 'self absorbed' but the truth is I am well and truly taking the piss out of myself. I haven't and never will take myself seriously. I am very aware of the fact that I am not everyone cup of tea but I'm not fussed because I would sooner drink a porn star martini. I will never change for anyone - your true friends will love and adore you for who you are regardless of how you portray yourself.

I am blessed to have such incredible friends and the people in my life are truly kind, selfless and all round wonderful. Life is far too short to hold on for dear life to people that wouldn't even pull you up if you were dangling from a cliff. I realised this when I published my first book. I never expected my friends to purchase it, but I proudly expected at least a 'congratulations'. Who wouldn't be proud of their friend achieving their wildest dreams? A toxic one. I have had friends for less than a week treat me with more kindness and respect than some I have held on to for years. Strangers have supported me greater on my blog and book than people who I have known forever.

If you're worried or scared and find yourself thinking: ''If I let them go, I will have no one'' You must take a step back and think: Is that such a bad thing? I would sooner be alone in my bedroom than in a room crowded with fake love and pretend socialising. Learn to love yourself and who you are - you know what you can bring to table and you have to allow them to do the same. 

If they want to they will. And that goes for romantic relationships too - find someone who loves you for who you are, no false pretences, no forced encounters and zero toxicity. There is someone out there who will go to the ends of the earth for you and it'll feel effortless. Never settle for basic or ordinary, and certainly never put up with abusive behaviour. 

Whether you are female or male, any form of abuse, physical or emotional is NEVER okay. Someone who loves you could never do that to you. Laying a hand on you wouldn't even cross their mind, even the thought of it would leave a shudder over their shoulders. Love is not control. A good person will lift your spirits and make you feel like the best version of yourself. You'll never feel insecure around the right person. 

It doesn't have to be nasty or a negative situation, there is no need for cruel words or harsh accusations. Leave peacefully and quietly. Continue your life how you wish, enjoy it and appreciate the good people you have in your life. Show gratitude for their great support and love they shower you with. You are lucky and blessed.


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