Monday, 5 November 2018

Why It's Okay to be Single

It's something I address more often than not; being happier single is perfectly normal!

It's something I address more often than not; being happy while single is perfectly normal!

My family and some friends will never understand why I have always preferred to be on my own. It's not like I am socially inept, in fact, I am quite the opposite. I love to meet new people and get to know the ins and outs of their life, but that doesn't mean I want to share my entire self with someone else, at least not right now. 

I need a little more time to myself than the average person I will admit. Having my space is essential to me, and I need a good day or two a week to just be alone and enjoy my own company. I don't wish to come across as cold or unapproachable because it couldn't be further from the truth. When I am in relationships, I go above, and beyond expectations, I love and love and love even harder. But as of this moment in time, as with many other times in my life, I am perfectly okay with being single. 

At the tender age of 23, people seem to think I have to be following a particular lifestyle to have 'real' happiness. Perhaps I should have children since my mum had two at my age. Or maybe I should have a rock on my finger since many other people in my school year do. Why should I feel like I have to constantly live by everyone else's standards when I am honestly, quite frankly, more than okay by myself? I am in love with my life, being alone doesn't make me lonely!

In October, I moved out with three other single girls and I was literally having the time of my life. I even went on a date or two. I didn't enjoy them for a second, but I gave it a chance at least. Not once during that time have I wondered if my life would improve if I had a special someone because I am upgrading it myself, every single day. 

Don't get me wrong, I do love the idea of romance. I would love to come home to someone I adore and enjoy a peaceful meal and ask them about their day, but right now I have three people I can do that with, and nothing is missing from my life. I am only adding more wondrous things to it as time passes. 

Sometimes I do feel lonely, though. I am not completely numb to relationships - I do have feelings and I have developed feelings. Crushes, if you will. But it is never as simple as liking someone and jumping in to the sea of love fully clothed. At least not for me. I want to get to know them, know the ins and outs of everything they love and hate - spend enough time with them to know we 'fit'. 

Trauma plays a big part in staying single for me. I don't want to project my insecurities on to someone else, especially if I like them. What is meant for me will not pass me. Right now I am enjoying thinking about people in a sickly sweet way again. I didn't think that could be possible!

I only have one relationship from my adult life under my belt, before that, I had spent four years single, and despite being the only friend to have so much alone time, I am a better person for it. I have had so much time to get to know who I truly am inside, I have grown up in my own shadow, and I know exactly what I want from life.

This is not to throw shade at those who spend their lives in and out of relationships, not at all, but for me personally, I needed that part of my life to be separate from someone else to flourish.

I have gone from an insecure, quiet girl to a confident, outgoing, strong-minded woman. I am in love with who I have become and in all honesty, I don't think I could've found her if I was busy spending my time focusing on others. 

During my most recent relationship, I really thought he had brought this confidence out of me, he got me out of the closed shell I was hiding in and thanks to him, I could love myself again. But that is just not the case.

I was the one who stood in the mirror every morning telling myself how great I was despite not liking what I saw. I was the one who picked up all of my broken pieces, just as I always have done, alone. And that is okay. I am okay, for the first time in my life I am okay with it all.

I am not bitter because I am single, I could still be in that same relationship right now if I wanted to, but I realised my worth and what I deserved, and that was never stress or wondering why I am not enough. That is not healthy. I will never accept something when I know I deserve more.

It's something I address more often than not; being happier when single is perfectly normal!

There are moments where I wish I had someone to wake up to in the morning, but for now, I am happy having a double bed to myself. I love making delicious meals for one, it doesn't matter if I slightly burn my pasta bake or let my vegetables go cold because that's exactly how I like to eat them. I can watch as many Netflix episodes as I want without having someone nag at me for watching it without them. I can do as I please, on my time, every time. 

I have never been very good at living up to other people's expectations of me. I am far too set in my ways of wanting to do what feels right for me and I'm not sure whether that is a positive or negative trait. However, when single, I find that I have come to enjoy doing 'couple' things on my own far too much to sacrifice my naturally independent personality. I love to go shopping, eat lunch and go on days out alone or with a few friends. I don't really feel like I am missing out on much at all. 

Please never feel like you aren't worthy because you don't have the validation of a relationship to fall back on. You are wonderful and have many great qualities to bring to the table, and someday someone will see you exactly how you want to be seen. Sometimes you think you have found it, but sadly it doesn't always work out how you want it to, but that doesn't mean you are to blame. The universe works in funny ways and boy does it have a sense of humour.

There is someone for everyone, and I am happy to focus on my own self-worth and well-being before it comes my way.

Have gratitude for every little thing, you'll have so much passion for life once you start to replace the 'Why don't I have this?' for ' I am so grateful I have this'. Nothing is missing if you truly want it. 

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