Thursday, 18 October 2018

Please Leave 'Ghosting' to Halloween

When did ghosting become a thing? Click to read more about why we need to leave ghosting to Halloween.

When did ghosting become a thing? 

I'm sure while we all complain about it happening to us, we are also guilty of becoming a ghost when things get tough or uncomfortable.

I won't pretend that I am a saint, I have ghosted on people plenty of times before, I just didn't think anything of it until it happened to me.

It was once a simple way for a f*ckboy or girl to quit when things seemed like they were getting serious with someone, now, even the love of your life won't even hesitate to commit the awful crime. That happened to me too.

Ghosting is just damn cowardly! On the one hand, I can say that you don't owe strangers anything - if you don't feel like getting to know someone, don't. It is as simple as that. But leaving them in the dark, wondering what might be wrong with them or why they are not good enough is not okay.

If a conversation dies, you can let it rest at peace. If you don't want the situation to go any further, cut it off, but have the basic courage to be honest about it. Give them the answers they deserve. I wish I had got the answers I deserved.

My situation is very different, worse than your average ghost story. I never intended to share it because I am tired of talking about it... and hurting about it. I had far too much respect for my ghost to ever express the gory details but that respect is now lost in the rubble of deception. I was blinded from continually romanticising unrequited love, and now I can see the light. His halo is now gone, and I realise his sorry excuses of his past are no longer tolerable.

I spent 8 months in total from 2017 to 2018 in love, sharing my soul and secrets with someone who I adored. Utter adoration. The sun shone out of his arse. Now all I can smell is shitting diarrhea. (LOL, sorry but the situation STINKS!) I hadn't let anyone into my heart for years beforehand, but he pushed and pushed until he broke me. We chatted on and off beforehand, but as my fear grew, I ghosted him. 

24 hours went by until I caved and couldn't cope with the deceit any longer. My heart is too full to treat someone that way, especially someone I had developed feelings for and who felt the same way about me. 

We had gotten past that little hiccup, and everything became a dream I didn't want to wake up from. Somehow my kind nature attracts damaged souls because my brain can't seem to comprehend that I can't and never will fix someone, especially when they have no interest in changing.

''That's just the way I am now.''

8 months of my life were spent tiptoeing around his self-destructive behaviour. I am a strong person, I know when someone isn't treating me right, but if I love someone, I love with all I have. However, not expressing the way someone makes you feel in fear of their reaction is unhealthy. Toxic in fact. 

He is a good person at heart, don't get me wrong. I know that he did love me at one point. We shared a great connection and beautiful memories together. That is the reason why I forgave him every time. A damaged person doesn't recognise their wrong doings but unfortunately there comes a time when you must stop playing victim to your past. It is not your fault that you were hurt, but YOU are responsible for how you heal. You can not project your problems on to someone else. Not someone you love.

Imagine being upset over someone constantly cancelling plans at the last minute, you have every right to feel that way, but when you're afraid to speak up about it knowing that they will then turn away and not speak to you for some weeks, even after pouring your heart out every day, waiting for them to come around again is NOT ok. Ghosting when things don't go your way is cowardly on all levels. Particularly when you are in a relationship with them, you owe them an explanation of some sort.

I deserve better than someone who cuts all 8 months worth of communication off after one disagreement. Everyone who experiences ghosting, even in the slightest form does. Please don't allow someone to make you feel worthless because they are unable to hold a conversation or own up to their wrong-doings. It is never you. 

Also, please keep in mind that not everyone will have the same morals or way of thinking as you do and you can't expect them to either. We all deal with things in different ways, and some are less respectful than others, but you have to make sure you remain a good person regardless of what happens. Don't be bitter, be better! Wish them all the best and send them on their way to the next person. It's an endless cycle, and only they can get off of the bike. No pushing allowed. 

I didn't want this to be a negative or bitchy post, I no longer have anger towards this story. Today my heartbreak was quickly switched off and is now left in the darkness. I truly hope she isn't treated the same way as I was. This is most likely the last post or piece I write about this narrative. I have closed the book and while I enjoyed the overall plot line of the story, the climax quickly became dull. I have no time to read the resolution.

My words are far too magical to fall victim to the unworthy. I wish to focus on more positive blog posts from now on! But you all know that I write nothing but the truth and as I always say in every post... the truth often hurts.

I hope more than anything you can all find the strength to move on from your ghosts and not allow their poor manners to hurt you anymore. You deserve real, raw love filled with trust, loyalty and respect. Never live in fear of being ghosted because there is always someone or something better along the way, and you won't have to worry or work for it.

S x

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