Monday, 15 October 2018

Vulnerability is Not a Weakness

It's a phrase I hear far too often. A question that is over asked and unwelcomed, but vulnerability is not a weakness. Click to read more.

It's a phrase I hear far too often. A question that is over asked and unwelcomed, but vulnerability is not a weakness.

''How can you be so vulnerable on the Internet? Aren't you worried that people will judge you? You might not find a boyfriend if they know too much about your mental health.''

I'll stop you right there. Vulnerability is not a weakness. As a writer, I am expected to overshare. It's in our blood! I write best when I am writing the truth and unfortunately, more often than not, the truth hurts. 

I don't want to shy away from my life, why should I bother writing a blog based on mental health and not include the ins and outs? The nitty gritty details? You'd be surprised at how many people actually want to hear it, it surprises me that friends, let alone strangers are genuinely interested in what I am up to, but it is something I have grown accustomed to since finding my purpose to help others.

There has been something on my mind for quite some time that I don't think I will ever truly understand, but will always welcome with open arms.

It's nice to be nice.

One of my guy friends once told me that I love people so extravagantly that I often forget about my own needs. When I let you in, I will give you every last piece of my soul. I love with all I have, even if that person doesn't reciprocate. I just can't stop once I have started no matter how much someone tells me to quit.

I used to think it was a very weak trait to have and who could blame me when so many people have shit on me in the past? I deserve more than mediocre effort. I deserve to have trust, loyalty and love. In relationships with boyfriends, family and friends. Every good person deserves happiness, so where is mine? It is long overdue.

As I grow older, I have begun to realise and understand that just because I have these particular morals, doesn't mean I can expect others to act the same. I can not control another human being and the way they deal with things, and I can not change people or situations once they have occurred. It is a simple fact of life that it just happens and I simply have to live in it.

I love being kind and giving so much love to others. Knowing I can walk away from a situation after giving it everything I could is good enough for me. I am okay with the outcome of being left behind by others because I know I will never be left without closure. I will never have to ask myself  'what if?' because I gave it my all, every time without fail. 

Something else my friend mentioned: ''The ones with the hearts of gold will always get messed around, but karma is a beautiful thing. They are losing something so much greater than we are.'' I couldn't have heard more truth if I tried. What is so wrong with being in touch with your feelings and sharing them? Nothing. It's cool to recognise your emotions and deal with them accordingly. 

I refuse to mask my truth just because someone else might find it embarrassing or 'too much'. I am TOO much, and I am proud of it! We get one life and not telling people how you feel only limits future experiences and memories. I do not live in fear of judgement anymore, no one's opinion of me matters other than my own. I've never felt more love for my life than I do now, and I don't need someone by my side to prove that. 

For now, I will continue to share the ins and outs, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I am Shannon, and I am too much. Happily, perfectly vulnerable in the purest of senses. I will give people a chance after chance, I will accept the pain that people may cause me and I will love them until the last straw is snapped because my heart is full of gold. I can't help it. So do as you please, reject me or dislike me. Your actions are not my actions. I will remain kind and composed, and that doesn't make me weak. 

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