Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Master Manipulators, I Am Not Your Mistress

Even the strongest of people can suffer from manipulation. Click to read more about manipulating and mental health.

Even the strongest of people can suffer from manipulation.

And no one is innocent when it comes to manipulating either. Everyone tells me how kind and pure I am, but I will tell the truth now and own up to manipulating just as much as the next person. I manipulate situations and other humans so things will go my way. No one can say they haven't, but there is a line that myself and any other half decent human being could never cross. Their hearts are too full of love to go that extra mile.

I have been abused, controlled and manipulated quite a lot considering I haven't had much experience in companionship. At 13, I was already exposed to a toxic 'grown-up' relationship which was as tightly controlled as a 24-hour security company. Going to family parties where I had too many male cousins attending was disapproved. Hanging out with my female friends was frowned upon, let alone conversing with male ones. They did not exist.

Many moments will haunt me forever, but one I will mention, which is much less 'traumatic' occurred and it made me realise I was experiencing manipulation.

Weirdly, despite the rules of hiding me away from any male attention, that boy loved to cause trouble just to punish me. I was in school, and I had just told him I could not come over to his house that evening. I had no excuse other than the fact I was tired, tired of having to pluck up the courage to walk 20 minutes home through the woods at 11pm every night after school.

My punishment? He pulled my skirt up and exposed me to half of the school, only to scream and shout at me later on for wearing 'revealing' underwear. Like it was my fault that everyone had witnessed it. It seems so petty writing about this after ten years, but with many other, more abusive situations under my belt it was simply another straw for such a young, naive girl to deal with.

Luckily I had such a wonderful relationship soon after that one, someone who taught me what was acceptable in a relationship and how I truly deserved to be loved.  I am grateful to him for that time in my life.

After a painful week of exposed secrets that forced me to uncover a recent heartbreak this year, all of my past sufferings have made me think about the cruel act of manipulation.

At 22, I am very strong minded. I am powerful, outgoing and full of life. The idea of following a person's orders again makes me feel enraged. There is a huge difference between respecting your partner and having to live in fear of their unrealistic expectations.

I witness friends, family and strangers on the internet get manipulated on a daily basis. Their emotions are owned by their 'superior'. Both guys and girls suffer, this is not a 'man-hater' post at all. I know exactly what girls are capable of as well as boys, and it's a shame that not enough people take the time to recognise a man's sadness as much as a woman's. This is a problem across both genders. 

It breaks me. After years of going through it myself, I vowed I could never do it again, no one could ever control me. Little did I know, even the manipulators who lightly sprinkle their shit on to you will squeeze through the cracks.

Sometimes I feel exhausted by my sweet nature. I often allow others to take advantage of my kindness. Some could even get away with murder if I truly love them enough. I hate it, I hate making excuses for bad people because the reality is they are never going to take accountability for their poor actions, no matter how much you desperately wish they would. I have to remind myself that vulnerability is not a weakness regardless. 

''We have all done something bad at some point in our life. Out of selfishness or pure hatred, we have all done it. But that does not mean we are bad people, or that we will do bad things forever. You could spend years being an awful person but tomorrow the sunlight will beam in a different direction, and you can change as a person. No little black book writes us off forever. We are human, and we make mistakes or act in manners that we may regret in years to come.''

^ I wrote that before the week from hell I just had and now I am beginning to question my own morals. Perhaps this 'independent, strong-minded' girl isn't so tough after all. I had fallen back into someones manipulating ways far easier than I ever imagined I would again. Love is blind after all. We all make the mistake of manipulation, but it is important to realise who will recognise themselves in the act. If you can't, you are most likely not as good of a person as you thought. 

It is time we just let people be. You can not control someone else's actions or way of thinking, you can give suggestions and perhaps try to get them to see things differently, but most often than not you are wasting your time and energy. Allow those around you to do as they please, their actions will tell you exactly what you need to hear. 

For those who have had life experiences stolen from them by a manipulator, there is still time for you to grow, on your terms. No one has power over you, your mind or your soul. Be selfish, love yourself and never allow someone else to have a say in how you live, as long as you are doing so respectfully. 

Never feel guilty because you have set boundaries. Enjoy the space you have created for yourself to breathe without any worry or fear about others opinions. 

Manipulation is not love, it is ownership, and you are not a pet. So no, master manipulators, I am not your mistress. Never again will I accept such behaviour. I will wear what I like, talk to whoever I want, wear a drag queens amount of makeup and no one will ever tell me otherwise. 

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