Monday, 28 May 2018

LOVE Yourself.

I have come to the realisation that if I don't let go of my insecurities and love myself, how will I ever live my best life?

I no longer wish to compare myself to girls I don't know on Instagram. I am not blonde, nor skinny, or provocative. Now that is no hate towards them, not at all, if that's your game then go for it. For me personally, I have realised that although I wish to be slimmer and more confident in my body, I am developing spiritually right now.

It breaks my heart that so many girls AND boys feel such low self-esteem. We must love ourselves even in the darkest of times! Our flaws are what separate us from other people, they make us unique and special. They really do.

Everyone I know and who knows of me believes I am an open book. I like that. I still have secrets and some form of private life, who doesn't? But you can guarantee I have strangers who know the ins and outs of my life. I mean it's not thaaaat interesting, but you'll see when I'm up or down. I love that about me. I think it makes me more approachable and it means others can come to me in time of need or even to just get to know each other and create friendships.

I love my caring heart and selfless thoughts. I love that I spend time helping others with their problems, the fact that I want to proves I am trying to be a good person, that I AM a good person. I believe that.

I love that I am in touch with spirituality. I put my faith into the universe and believe in the most unbelievable, magical things that most wouldn't give the time of day. I guess I just like the idea of wondering. Who knows whether crystals help heal you and law of attraction can change your life, but I am so glad I do. It calms me, and I can feel a change in my soul. 

I am honest with myself, I know when I am in the wrong and will always admit to it... in the end. I love with all I have, even when I have nothing left to give I will try. While I don't feel that I live up to those incredibly beautiful Instagram girls, my green eyes are lit with kindness. I do not desire the attention or validation from people if I am posting a selfie, or belfie, it's really just for me. To remind myself I am okay. I love who I am and what I stand for. 

I am obsessed with certain TV shows, movies and books. I over analyse them and real-life situations. I will look into your soul and rip it apart to find my answer, but I know I mean well. My determination screams that one answer just isn't enough. My counsellor used to tell me I should work in therapy because of that oh so exhausting trait of mine. I am beginning to accept it though, it's a great thing that I am in tune with mine and others emotions. 

I feel good right now. I have come such a long way since last year. If my current situation occurred then, I would have had a traditional Shannon breakdown. It would last a couple of weeks, not eating, then eat too much. Exhaust my self with exercise, or lye in bed for days. Wear makeup every day or cut at my skin. There was never a balance. Now, however, I can take a step back and LOVE myself. I am grateful for my awakening just as much as I adore my loving, supportive family and friends.

I will never need something or someone to live my best life. I trust what will be. I am happy. I feel fucking beautiful on the inside and I am slowly starting to feel that about my physical self too. Like my therapist once told me about myself, 'No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart.'

I hope you are all feeling good about yourselves this bank holiday, you have the power to heal even through the most terrible times. I am here for anyone who is willing to let it all out. No judgement, no telling you what you can or can't do. I'm just here.

S x

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