Wednesday, 17 January 2018

New Year, Old Me - Writing a Book, Losing Weight & Finally Allowing Recovery

I'm calling it now, 2018 is absolutely going to be 'my year'.

Firstly, I just want to apologise for stopping Shanmas early! I received a lot of positive feedback for my posts during the Christmas period and I super appreciate it. Life got in the way and I found myself really enjoying and indulging in family time and the festivities. 

I don 't think I have ever said that before and actually allowed myself to believe it. I can FEEL it in my bones. Everything is going to fall into place. I'm finally recognising my triggers and keeping them out of reach. I've stopped caring about food and dieting and suddenly I've dropped twelve pounds and counting. I no longer stress about stupid things and now all of those trivial things I worried about so much are now working out for me.

I get scared saying it out loud. Before I went to therapy I would be petrified to ever make such a statement. Saying ''I am happy'' would never end well for me. My life would crumble as soon as the words passed my lips, I could never allow myself true joy without paying the consequences almost instantly. I knew didn't want to live like that anymore.

Setting realistic goals

In 2017, self-sabotage and ruining potential relationships would become my lifeline, it was the only way I could protect myself from getting hurt, despite the fact that was the only reason I would ever feel pain. This year I have realised I was the only person stopping myself from experiencing the great moments in life. Me and only me! It feels good to admit it.

Just like any other new year, I have many resolutions I want to keep, but 2018 is different. I KNOW I am going to accomplish these goals. I'm going to lose weight, but it's going to be slow and steady. I want to feel healthy and happy, not starved and deprived. For the first time in a long time, I want to look after myself because I love who I am and I want to feel the best I possibly can. 

'Written by S.M Valentine'

I'm going to finish writing my book and allow myself to feel proud of my achievements. I love my book, I adore the words I have managed to pull together and I hope my readers enjoy reading it just as much as I do writing it. It's my only source of physical proof that I pushed myself in 2017 despite the many relapses. 

Recovering from relapse

Relapse. Yes, that happened far more often than I would've liked last year. Not many people will know, but I went through two major breakdowns in 2017. I didn't think I would even be here this year let alone say it's going to be my best one yet! Knowing I managed to overcome such a shit time gives me hope. I have faith that no matter what life throws at me I can do this. 

Recovery is clearly in sight. 

Most importantly, although its a new year, the old me is still very much present. I'm looking to evolve, not change. 

I can't wait for 2018 to truly begin! This is a short post from me but I promise I will write more this year. Thanks for all of your incredible support and love. 

S x

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