Wednesday, 11 January 2017

A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

I decided to write a letter to my 16-year-old self just to let her know everything's going to be okay...

It may have only been four years ago, but boy has everything changed...


Looking back on old pieces I've written, I've come to realise that as a teen, although I may have thought I had everything under control, I was naive and young. We all wish we could go back in time and change things but in reality that just isn't going to happen. I decided to write a letter to my 16-year-old self just to let her know everything's going to be okay...

Dear Shan,

I know you're probably reading this with a troubled mind, wondering what's in the cards for you. I know you're petrified of leaving school and old friends behind. I know the thought of moving on makes you feel sick. I know.

You're going through a massive change right now and have no idea that what you're actually feeling is chronic depression. Yep, there's a name for what you think is insanity. You just like to keep things organised, and you spend a lot of your free time overthinking, and that's okay.

You still do that now, no matter how many obstacles you have faced since, you still find yourself feeling physically sick at the thought of something being out of your control or not going your way.

You started working at next pretty early after leaving school, and I know you're going home every day crying because you're not confident enough to serve customers, but after the first two weeks, the place will become your home. You've made friends for life from Next whom you will create some hilarious drunken memories. Breathe and be yourself, they will think you're mad, but you soon learn to use it to your advantage.

Despite loving your job you will find a new one, and it'll be the dream job you always wanted.

You can officially call yourself a writer! You will feel lucky every day; you love what you do, and it could never get any better than that. 

When you turned 17, it all went a little downhill. You broke up with that guy you were so in love with. Trust me; you'll be fine. I hate to admit it that while it was all your fault, it was supposed to happen. People grow and sometimes they have to do it alone. At first, it was tough for you, despite the fact you broke up with him... on your birthday! Sorry about that but it was for the best. Your mind was going through something harmful, though you never realised at the time. Its okay to always care.

There have been a few boys since but none you've ever called your boyfriend. You're still not ready for that just yet. Word of advice: don't waste time on fuckboys! They'll never change, and when you think you like them, I can promise you that you don't. You spend a lot of your 18th year crying over boys who have no idea how you feel.

You've fallen for the wrong guy many a time. I'm sorry, I let us and our independent woman barrier we built together down. You'll be shocked to hear that you even fell for someone who you'd never dream of seeing as anything other than a friend. Ooops. I can't bare to tell you who because you probably won't even believe me! I'll let you get on with that when it comes. Be prepared and be strong, just like you always are. 

Your 19th birthday was the first time you started taking anti-depressants. What a birthday well spent.

Don't worry; you're not on those anymore. You're hitting the high road alone, but you're doing well so far.

You're doing amazing in fact. You started your own blog! I know, it sounds too good to be true. You'll still have passing negative thoughts about whether you're wasting your time. But you go on nights out and can't even count the strangers on both hands who come up to you and say how much they love reading your posts. You won't even know their name.

You've had features in Reveal, Glamour and The Guardian. - something you've dreamed about since you were that little seven-year-old girl writing your celebrity magazine, selling it to your family for 50 pence a piece.

Throughout the rest of teenage years, you make some amazing memories. You've met pretty much every celebrity on the planet! From Ed Sheeran to One Direction, and you'll even hold Taylor Swift's hand. You enjoy being a fangirl that's for sure, but you'll grow out it, but that doesn't mean it won't hold a place in your heart. London gives you many magical moments you can keep forever.

As a 20-year-old you're much stronger, an insult would never phase you as it did back then. The awful people from school have disappeared from your mind and the only time you see them is when they're in town, making a fool out of themselves. It'll make you laugh a lot.

You've put on a little weight, three stone in fact. But you'll shift it, don't be so hard on yourself

This one may frighten you, I know you have a complicated relationship with food, but you will learn to love yourself eventually. Keep the positive thoughts in your mind, and it'll all be smooth sailing. 

You're still best friends with Amelia; you'll never have to worry about that. There will be a time where you lose touch, boyfriends and work get's in the way, but you will soon learn that you two are soulmates. Best friends forever, no matter what. She'll be there for you as you will be there for her. You still make each other laugh every day; that's a fact! And you're still asking yourselves why you don't have your own TV show due to the everyday drama that happens in your lives. But most importantly, everything you've been through you will go through together. The best thing about her is that she gets on with anyone you make friends with and now you're a trio...

Amber is a new friend; you may have already met her at next. You're both pretty shy at first but open up to her, Shan. She's fabulous and will always be there when you need her. You three get along like a house on fire, a fire of which you all probably started together. You tend to get yourselves into a mess sometimes, but you'll do it together and always laugh afterwards. You three will be the new Charlies Angels, travelling the world together country by country. 

Unfortunately, you grow apart from old friends from Down the Common, but you'll learn to accept that you're all growing up. You never lose love for them, though, and will still get wasted with them on the weekend from time to time. You're still in touch with Molly; she's just as lovely as ever! Your friendship will never die, and you'll be there for one another when you need it. 

Anyway, I should let you get back to your life now. I'm sure you'll be busy heading out with the gang for one of your many forest piss-ups or spending those 'unknown' last moments with your boyfriend.

I just wanted to let you know that no matter how hard your life may seem, everything works out in the end. You are enough. 

Remember to appreciate everything that happens, the good and the bad, and you'll be just fine. 

All my love

Shan

xoxo


2 comments :

  1. Amazing blog well done Shannon I'm so proud

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  2. Fantastic blog Shannon and very honest as always 😘😘❤❤

    ReplyDelete