Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Me and my OCD - Its more than washing your hands.

'' I never realised you had OCD, I thought it was something that clean freaks had.''   If I had a pound for every time someone said that to me, well, I wouldn't be currently sat here writing this, I'd be on route to New York in my private jet...

'' I never realised you had OCD, I thought it was something that clean freaks had.''


If I had a pound for every time someone said that to me, well, I wouldn't be currently sat here writing this, I'd be on route to New York in my private jet...


It's not your fault you don't know what OCD is, it means you're lucky enough not to suffer from it. With shows like Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners, it's difficult to determine what OCD is truly about when you're watching something so full of stigma and false reality.

OCD is more than keeping your room tidy; it's the sheer panic and stress you feel after spending the day obsessing over the minimal clutter in your room, to the point where you can't think of anything else until everything is out of sight. 

It's far more than washing your hands every hour because you hate germs, it's washing your hands every hour because you're petrified that if you don't, you might become ill. OCD is not switching the light switch on, and off a few times, it's switching the light switch on and off a thousand times because you feel as though if you don't carry out your compulsions something bad is going to happen.

When I was first diagnosed with Anxiety, I knew it was so much more than worry. I was finding myself constantly thinking. Thinking thinking thinking until I honestly thought my brain was going to explode. Physically feeling stress to the point where I was throwing up every day because my mind and body couldn't handle it any longer.

Unfortunately, some, whether they are clueless or simply ignorant, don't realise that OCD is more than cleanliness. It's the reason behind these compulsions that truly form obsessive compulsive disorder.

I for one am sick of people throwing the term OCD around as an obsession for tidying. For some, yes, their OCD makes them want to clean or tidy. I get that. I have it too. But the reasons behind the obsessive cleaning is so much more than that.

Throughout my day, I will use hand cream and sanitizer at least thirty times. I don't care about germs. I could not care less about a bit of dirt. This is my routine because deep down I'm scared that if I don't carry out a thought in my mind, it's going to negatively affect me. I will constantly pick at the skin around my nails because I can't stand to see anything uneven and If my hair doesn't feel or look the same length all round, I will cut chunks out of it until it does. 

I have to plan my day every day. Ask my friends, if an occasion is coming up in a months time, I will obsess over the finer details excessively until the event is over.


It's an impulse, a compulsion, and an addiction.


If I think of something before I go to bed, perhaps I forgot to make lunch for the next day,
I will have a sleepless night until I am defeated, and then...


I will find myself making pasta at 2 am.


It's crazy, isn't it?


I didn't write this post to announce to the world that I'm a little crazy. 

I'm doing this for those that are afraid. Who are in too deep and can't seem to find their way out. I am not weak because I like things in order. I am not mad because I like to plan everything to the final detail. That's what I do. But it will not define me, and it is notwho I am as a person. I am not a clean freak or the girl with OCD. I'm just me. 

xoxo



4 comments :

  1. I think one of the most annoying things is that now 'Zoella' has anxiety, all these younger girls who look up to her just decide to make out that they have anxiety too and that is just not right.
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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    1. Totally agree! It's great she has spoken out but there are a lot of influenced young fans who lose the term 'anxiety' very loosely!! Xxxx

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  3. I think mental illnesses are too commonly dismissed because of their over use now. It seems that everywhere you go someone is using a mental illness as an adjective.
    When I told people I have bipolar, so many people said to me "Oh we're all a little bipolar sometimes". What?!
    It's ridiculous.
    I am so glad you've written this post. It's so important that we talk about our mental health!

    Louisa
    www.loubeeloublogs.blogspot.co.uk

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